The FAQ of Marriage

The topic of the season seems to be - Marriage, what with a lot of posts being written around this subject, left, right and center. Add to that, I attended a couple of weddings last weekend and then .. what do you expect? ... I write a post on the subject too! Just for the record, I am happily married and survived the so called "Seven-year-itch" and reasonably confident of tackling more such itches in future.

I just read a post in one of the blogs that I follow, an FAQ on "Satsang", I got an idea of writing an FAQ on Marriage as well!

Q. Whether to marry or not?
A. My sincere opinion is ... Pleeeez do or else you would be missing something in Life. Nothing is certain in Life, so is the kind of partner that you will get. Its a gamble but believe me, worth playing.

Q. Love or Arranged Marriage?
A. I admit, I can't give you a straight answer. I would rather give you my view point.
In Love Marriage, there is this huge expectation that a couple has with each other (don't they make huge promises - about "chaand-taare" and stuff?), which will always be difficult to satisfy and sooner or later, reality comes crashing down. So it is very important for the couples to be sensible before taking the plunge. In Arranged Marriage, normally the "innocent" couple, to begin with, hardly know each other. So what expectation can they possibly have from each other. They build their love castle from scratch. I don't blame you if you think, I am a little biased towards arranged marriage.

Q. When to marry?
A. Its better if the couple is not too young but are matured enough for a serious relationship, but for god sake, don't wait till you are 30+. I think 26 is a very good age for a guy (sorry .. can't say about the girl .. they mature so early in life!)

Q. When to have kids?
A. Preferably, a couple should work on building a strong foundation whereby they develop a good bonding, a good understanding with each other and then proceed to have kids, as having kids is a job of great responsibility and once you have one (or two or more!), you will have little time to work on your relationship. So guess, after two romantic years, one may think about having kids.

Q. How to avoid fights? How to have a loving relationship?
A. Forget it ... you can't avoid fights. Fights and arguments are a part of married life. The spice of married life.
I believe, it just doesn't matter, whether its an arranged marriage or a love marriage. After the initial euphoria and once the novelty wears off, what really comes into play is the understanding that the couple has between themselves and what is it that they give top priority to - their ego or a loving relationship. While I don't claim to be very understanding, but when I give importance to Love for my family, everything else falls into place.

Stay Happily Married for Life!!

My Hong Kong diary

I am just back from an official tour to Hong Kong (well its been almost a month now!) .. a second one but a little different. Firstly, this was the first time I noted down my experiences in a dairy and second, I happened to visit Hong Kong at a time when, probably it was at its happiest mood - the Chinese New Year, reminding me of the festive atmosphere in India at the time of Diwali/Dasehra except that crackers are not allowed here. All the places in Hong Kong were decorated with festoons, lanterns, special plants and elaborate decorations at various places. Also, I was fortunate enough to visit Hong Kong during a warmer interval in an otherwise rather cold weather, with temperature dropping as low as 8 degrees!

I was treated, a couple of times, to some genuine chinese cuisine (nowhere close to the chinese stuff that you get in India!) in a chinese joint. I had a chance to try my chopsticks skills too (could'nt carry on for too long and had to resort to the good old fork & spoon). I was fortunate enough to have the company of some very kind people who contributed to making my visit a memorable one. They enlightened me on some of the various customs/traditions/beliefs that they follow during the Chinese New Year ..

1. All the office colleagues of a particular department/section along with the head, go for a meal together on the last day of the year. More often then not its a treat from the head.

2. It is believed that if you leave some left-over in your last meal of the year, you have assured yourself of a square meal in the new year ... almost like the concept of carry-forward brought-forward!

3. People who are not married are supposed to gift the married ones some money and that too in brand new notes. Some organisations actually arrange for new notes.

4. People buy some sweets and keep in their house to give it to people who visit their houses during the new year.

The Chinese stay connected to their roots and in the Chinese culture, family takes precedence over friends and anything else and nowhere is it more apparent than in the Chinese New Year.

My visit was different this time also because I did a lot of shopping (I did not buy a single thing on my last visit!). There was the Night Market, Temple Street, Ladies Market, Toy Shop, Flower Market which was part of the Annual Fair (they have it around the Chinese New Year time). I used to shop, laden with the laptop at my back, for hours together on those long streets and get really exhausted at the end of it all. But I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and guess it was really worth the trouble.

Of course there were other aspects for which Hong Kong is well-known - the convenient and safe infrastructure, the wonderful lights that lit the city in the night ... all of which left me gaping for more. Before long, it was time for me to go, taking along some wonderful memories.